After a sustained period of intense practice or creativity, the close of a chapter (this time, several weeks of Beethoven) brings a reciprocal quality. Becalmed I’d say.
Over the years it has ranged from an uneasy restlessness, to deep grief, a void filled with anxiety, sublime peace and so on…. And despite knowing it so well, I forget that it will come with as much inevitability as the march of time and that it will take me by surprise again and again.
This time I am stunningly tired and lacking in any great feeling.
Not sad, not ecstatic, but somewhere quite still.. grateful I think.
Yes, truly grateful for having the space to stop and for the comfort of my lovely home.
The morning after coincided with our monumental vote for change….. Whatever that may mean.
The wave of public and private concern also has been a huge stimulus, so my system has felt very charged, as though it has been bombarded with double strength coffee.
The following morning brought me (after an early bike ride to try to ground myself in order to absorb the brexit news) to an imperative 20 minutes of semi- supine….
With the more than usual attention to ground, I then gave what I consider to have been 2 extraordinary, sensitive, free flowing and wonderful lessons….
It was like moving step by step into a new unknown, just working things out together moment to moment.
As I write, this touches me as deeply as any of the wonderful music I have been privileged to play.
My arthritic thumbs have loyally held up under duress these last few weeks. I can tell that it is time to stop putting them under that kind of strain. They hurt even at mezzo piano today.
If you had told me 10 years ago that I might have to ease up on my beloved piano I would have had a melt down.
How amazing to have the capacity to step back one instrument and to have a passion for the one instrument that I will be taking with me to my grave…. In a changing world, this feels to me to have the potential for the kind of difference I can still make….
I hope I can help the people who come my way to make ever more beautiful “music” by, with and of themselves.
Thank you all for the supportive and enthusiastic comments.