Blue tits, shepherds and wise-men

20121209-171450.jpg

This is my morning treat…. seen from my tiny bunk!

Ask my poor family and they will probably give you a catalogue of my tactless grumpiness over the years about Christmas.
I would call it thinly disguised panic… all that pressure to do it right, be well behaved and have well behaved children with their grandparents…. and now the grandparents have gone and I am in that role, the merry go round might snare me from the opposite direction…. Panic indeed.

My first unencumbered ( in this way ) Christmas for all these years came last year when I was in reclusive and total (so I thought ) seclusion in that beautiful valley in Sicily. Well, it wasn’t quite like that even then. Giovanni COULD NOT resist coming to strim at 8am on Christmas morning, much to my shattered surprise…. and then I had to pull myself together and behave all,over again!!!!!
SHRIEK!!

This year I have been so let off the hook and nobody expects anything of me at all. Guess what?
I have a strange feeling of disappointment tinged with sadness. Why, oh why have I still not got it right…?

All these ramblings are leading somewhere. You could call it ‘leaning into the sharp points’
to quote Pema Chodron. Funnily enough, my little cartoons have helped to put a few things into perspective… carols and Christmas bring back some sadness as well as all those other complex, muddy feelings. The exhibition allowed the sense of loss and its transformation through creativity into something of beauty and purpose. There were constant reminders of this as those of you who were drawn in to the journey were so thoughtfully and tenderly touched.
Today I have managed to have a little conversion from that horrible pressure into such a pleasurable time, decorating my little caravan for when my precious grandson comes to stay soon.
The Christmas story was so much a part of my own childhood, but it also expresses the journey of life for me too, regardless of its religious associations. The depth of winter, the longing for light and warmth. !

20121209-173311.jpg

The quest to find meaning.
No change here!
The other really great thing for today was the satisfaction of recycling a couple of old paintings which have been lying redundant in a corner. So glad I haven’t chucked them out
I even have sheep in the field!

20121209-173438.jpg

I would especially like to say a loving thanks to my wonderful art teacher Annemarie, whose special Christmas art/story-telling over the years have also helped to settle my panic and enable me to rest in another kind of experience. Incidentally, I have her to thank for over 16 years of painting in an oasis of tranquility and beauty ….. so all those pictures didn’t come without a bit of practice.
Ollie and I are going to collect a little tree soon. He doesn’t know yet and I am like a big baby with anticipation!

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Miscellaneous musing, Paintings etc.. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s